Benefits of Saying No
By: May McCarthy
How comfortable are you with saying “no” to a request from your family, friends, co-workers, or other people in your life? Most of us don’t like to disappoint others, especially when they tell us how valuable we are or how grateful they’d be if we would agree to help them. However, after agreeing to help them, we can sometimes feel unappreciated and experience some resentment. We are sorry that we agreed to help in the first place. This isn’t an uncommon cycle. It can repeat itself over and over again until you decide to break the pattern and realize that it is OK to say “no” to requests that don’t benefit you. Ask yourself the following questions before agreeing to do something that is asked of you:
- Am I required to do this and will this benefit me and others related to the request?
It’s important that you understand whether you’re required to do something that is asked of you as part of your job, or if there is value in sharing your time, talents, and treasures with others.If you’re doing something for another person that isn’t required, how will you and others benefit from your efforts? Carla is an amazing teacher and presenter as well as being detail oriented and organized.She loves to create classes and teach people how they can become fully engaged in their work. Often, she would get requests from her co-workers to perform other tasks because she was more detailed and organized than they were.In order to please the requesters, she would agree to do tasks even though they weren’t part of her job requirement.During the process, Carla would sometimes feel resentful and taken advantage of.She would feel increased stress to get all of her required work done with less time to do it. She clearly wasn’t benefiting from the experience of agreeing to help some of the requesters.
- Am I the most skilled person to do the task and will I enjoy what I’ve been asked to do?
Because of our desire to please others, we can sometimes say “yes” to a request that isn’t a requirement before determining if it’s something that we like to do.If we spend our elective time doing things that we don’t enjoy, it can deplete our energy and add more pressure to our lives in the form of stress. Perhaps it would be better to allow someone else who likes and enjoys those same tasks to do the project instead. Carla decided to let a requester know that she needed some time to think about a request for help on a project that wasn’t part of her job requirement. During her review, Carla decided that it wouldn’t give her much joy to work on the project. After making that decision, Carla had a strong intuitive thought to check in with another person in the office who had been asking for additional work. When reviewing the project with the other employee and her supervisor, Carla learned that the employee wanted to do the project and would enjoy doing the work. This presented an optimal solution to say “no” to something that Carla didn’t want to do, and allow the other employee the opportunity to do something she enjoyed.
- How can I stand in truth and integrity when saying “no”?
If you decide to say “no” to a request, put yourself in the requester’s position. How would you like to receive the information if the roles were reversed? State your feelings and needs regarding the request and don’t accuse the requester for asking for your help. Carla asked to meet with the requester privately and conveyed that she didn’t feel that she was the best person to do what was asked. She then added that she had spoken to another employee with the skill set needed for the project and that this employee said that she would enjoy the work very much. As a result of saying “no” to the request, Carla was freed up to take on a different project that used her skills and talents in satisfying and enjoyable ways, and she enabled another employee to do the same. More people benefited from Carla’s decision to say “no” to the request.
A similar process can be used for requests from family and friends. Operate in integrity and tell the truth even if you believe that the requestor will be disappointed. It’s important that you care for yourself and prevent resentment, stress, and other negative emotions from harming your relationships and wearing down your physical body. When you experience negative emotions, you aren’t easily able to notice messages from your source of intuition that can instruct you to take steps towards achieving other important goals. Take care of yourself first; then you can be in a better position to help others as you feel called to do so and experience more of the Good that you want in your life.
As you consider your requirements and what you enjoy before agreeing to a request for your time and talents, you will be in a better position to make decisions that enable you to experience better health, energy, and creativity in all that you do. More people will benefit from that! Blessings to you on your path to all that is Good.
You can learn more success principles in my book, The Path to Wealth; Seven Spiritual Steps for Financial Abundance. www.bizzultz.com/book